A pest

I have this pesky little emotion that runs through my veins sometimes.  I wish it wasn't there, but it flairs up in episodes.  I wish I could permanently get rid of it, because I consider it a true character flaw and it doesn't embody who I envision myself to be.  But, alas, it still plagues me at times. 

Do others suffer from this condition I wonder?  If so, what are your symptoms and what is a catalyst for it? 

Any cures out there?

From Wikipedia--
Jealousy is a secondary emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection.

Goal Set revisited

Probably not a good night or time to write this but I am in a funk and well the cyber world is where people seem to turn when no in IRL wants to hear their pity party.

I never did meet my goal from my original post Goal Set.  Granted I had an life-altering change occur three months later (pregnancy) but what is my excuse now?

I feel this way about a few areas in my life right now. Bah. 

SSDD.

Downward spiral

When did certain adults in my life board the train to Crazytown? I mean what makes someone flip out and just go BSC? I don't get it. I mean, I thought for sure I'd qualify as crazy, but seeing want I have seem lately I'd say I'm pretty good. The lack of responsibility that I'm seeing from some older generation adults around me is mind boggling and so selfish. They are in a downward spiral and I'm unable to help them. since they don't seem to want to help themselves.

Speaking of selfish, I then get angry because these people and their actions are directly messing with my own life and it's hard to be compassionate when their lame lifestyle choices have caused this. I'm trying very hard to not be judgmental, but I can't hide my WTF is wrong with you expression.

Everyone needs a friend

Watch CBS News Videos Online

What a feel-good video. I can't wait to see the Disney version if this story. I am so glad to know I have a Bella in my life too :)

Perpsective

I would say the last 365 days have really allowed me to gain different perspectives on some things in my life. Things aren't always what they seem.

I analyze things. A lot. I look at situations and then I look at them again, again and again.

Well, just when I think I've got things aligned right in my mind....smack, the truth is revealed.

It is a hard truth to swallow, but I think I deserve a pat on my back for how I've handled these revelations.

Some of them have altered my perspective, some of them haven't. It doesn't stop me from analyzing things though.

Crushes still exist

I just have spent the past hour or so re-living my adolescent angst by watching episodes of My So-Called Life. It is crazy that nearly 15 yrs. later I can still be so impacted by that series. I don't know why, but I just love it, or perhaps just haven't gotten over my crush of Jordan Catalano. Sigh. Those blue eyes always made me dreamy and forget for 1 hr. a week that my life sucked, but also realize that it really wasn't different from other 15 yr. old girls. Good God I regret not dying my hair red, just to say I did it. I believe I dabbled in the grunge look, but quickly abandoned my older brother's t-shirts at some point during my sophomore year. Some other talented person on the internet concocted the fashion board below and I got a kick out of it. Now if my newest TV crush would just come back soon...Don Draper. I think my taste has changed a little, but they are both from excellent shows.


It's good to have crushes, even if they only last for a couple of seasons before being canceled.

Multitasking is overrated

Maybe I just don't have the mental capacity for it all, or perhaps I am just growing into an old fogey faster than I thought, but why does every action people seem to participate in also involve simultaneously doing like 10 other things??

From my observations of others and of myself it seems it is a great challenge to complete simply one thing at a time. My students can not actively listen to me without doing something else, and that something else is usually an electronic device (laptop, ipod, texting) or the ever popular tune-out activity of doodling. I say some pretty clever and entertaining things too and most of it goes right over their heads, not to mention the actual important content and information I am trying to make them injest. Asking them to read a paragraph is the equvilent of quantom physics and don't even get me started on when they get "independent" work time.

I've got my own multitasking addictions to overcome. The tv is always on in the background, some other webpage is out there that is way more appealing than the work I am supposed to be doing, I'm on FB to see if others are bored too and procrastinating, doing a million other things while driving. Those who know me, know I can't finish a book to save my life. Ah, I could go on and on.

I want to enjoy the silence. I want to enjoy each moment for what it is and not all that is crammed around it blurring my vision of what the moment is supposed to be. I don't want iphones at my dinner table while my kids are being well behaved on our night out as a family. Can you still feel my glare for this lame family at Olive Garden last week? I don't want to be able to not shut my mind off or focus it when necessary.

I don't care if it is me watching a tv show, or reading an article in a magazine, or crafting, or talking with people, or spending time with my son...

I just want quality, not quantity.

I know we've all got stuff that needs to be done, but so much of what I see myself and others doing is not being able to give any one task 100% of our time, even if it is just for a little bit.

Case in point...I started writing this post, the phone rang, while on the phone I surfed the net.

Career or Job?

Which do you have?

What is the difference between the two?

In the game of LIFE, they assign you a career, not a job. Oh, it would have been so nice if I could've just spun the wheel and drawn my chosen fate. I had to take a few left turns before I finally got on the right path.

I've had my share of jobs and while I loathed most of them, I learned a lot from them too. I can proudly say that now I have a career. For the most part, I love it, which I guess is a good thing considering how much I've (err, my grandparents) have paid to "higher" learning institutions in this country.

I really miss the "job life" -- clock in, do tasks, clock out, get paid. I don't miss the instability and usually wretched hours that come from a job (weekends, holidays, nights).

My career on the other hand gives me a nicer pay check, security, a mighty nice schedule that accommodates my family life, and the all important goal of self accomplishment and purpose to life. (note--the last point is highly tested most days)

My career now consumes so much of my time though. It is by my own choice of course. I know others in my career who treat it very much like a job setting. Nope, not for me. I promise myself I'll get out of this career when I start treating it like a job. I constantly am trying to improve myself and my role, much to the chagrin of my dear husband, but it keeps me going.

Do other people who have careers spend this much time on them outside of the normal workday? Please tell me yes.

I often wonder if I will have another career in life. Can I keep doing this for 25 more years? Hmm, we'll see.

What makes people choose a job over a career? I see so many people just happy with a job. That wasn't an option for me, not that there is anything wrong with that, or is there?

Have you guessed my career yet? It is a teacher, aka: educator, aka: facilitator of learning.

Now that I have let that little personal tidbit about me out of the bag, you can expect more posts that have to deal with teaching and education in general.

FU Got Mine

Is this the mindset of people today? I often am conflicted by the actions by the "Christians" in this nation when it comes to giving back.

Case in point- The Earthquake in Haiti. The US has offered $100M in aid and relief and I've heard nothing but bitching and moaning about it. Maybe I just hang around the wrong people. Should I mention that the people I hang out with are "tomorrow's future"?

My "FU Got Mine" slogan can be easily explained as "I have what I need, screw the rest of you".

I have clothes that I don't even need, a bigger house than I need, 2 working vehicles, a TV bigger than necessary, all the fun hi-tech gadgets, a coffee pot that is ridiculous, paved roads, running water, heat, a/c, health care, food.

Aren't we all guilty of putting parameters on the time or dollar amount we'll give when someone in need? This bothers me.

I am mad at myself today because I don't know how to respond to the "FU Got Mine" rhetoric. I'd probably be a hypocrite if I did.

Where is the humanity anymore? Why does concept of humanity have to be tied together with socialism?

Am I doing all that I can to help? No.

I am babbling now, but that is only because I am so mad at myself that I don't know how to fix myself, or help others see how to fix it within themselves.

Goal Set

So, I have this bff of mine who is probably one of the most determined people I know and has been since college. She actually sets goals and get this, she meets them! As if! Anyways, since she is one of my favorite peeps I figure imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and I have made a goal for myself that I intend to meet by this spring, April 2nd sounds like a good day to me. I won't share this goal on here yet, because I don't want to be judge by all of my readers as a failure quiet yet, but maybe in time I will. I am a big girl now and I suppose I should be following through with things in my life.

The First of Many?

Hmm, we shall see. In this era of socializing digitally, can I keep up with the demand of keeping an active blog? I am scared of sharing too much along with losing my anonymity. I am just going to throw stuff out there eventually and see what sticks. I'll pretend that hundreds of you actually care about my thoughts and eventually this blog will spiral out to be something great and make me a household name like some other good blogs I've ready. Here's to not letting any of you down. Perhaps this will be my goal for 2010. We'll see, I can't think of many things I have started, stuck with, and finished, but all that will have to be saved for a later blog post.